To freeze pains,

alt
w
f
f

enter

The President of my company gave a piece of advice along the lines of, “If the books you read are related to the job  you have, then you’re in a good place.”

I read about sadness. Is being a professional sadboi a viable career choice?

Today, I downloaded some consumer data from Tableau. Upon opening it, found that was cleaned and in csv form. I was so happy.

The key to a happy life?

Don’t do anything stupid right next to your work place.

It is convenient that my office is next to Times Square since all of the subway stations eventually goes through Times Square. It is also convenient that, if you walk through Manhattan and take the subway, you will eventually end up in Times Square, right next to my office. And, if you hang out with someone for long enough, you will eventually end up in Times Square. And, if hang out with someone long enough, you will also eventually do enough stupid things that will come to haunt you get off the F-train every day when you walk to work.

I am currently sitting in my office on a Saturday afternoon, attempting to finish my intern project before I have to submit it Monday at noon. It is a dark office. It is a dark office in the sense that most of the lights are off. I am sitting at the conference table in one of the few parts of the office that is still illuminated. But, this feel right. This is how I want things to be. This is the reality that I have come to know. I used to be so afraid of sitting in the dark, fearing that the darkness would somehow kill me. But, now, as I am sitting in the dark, I welcome the darkness to come and kill me. I have nothing to fear because I cannot die because of darkness. But, right now, if I did die, I don’t think I would mind that much.

So often I feel like I’m reaching out. That’s what I do — reach out. I hope this email reaches you well. But, more in a life sense as opposed to a networking sense. I reach out in hopes of having a connection to someone, and then I am utterly rejected. Because that is the natural state of my world — one of rejection. I think it’s quite interesting that the more close I become with someone the more likely the relationship is to end. I tend to conceptualize relationships like the sun. The close you get, the likely you are to burn up. Because I reach out quite often, I tend to burn things up quite often. Then, after things burn up, then I am alone in the ashes once again. It is dark. I am in the light. It is like I am now.

I wander. wonder. wander. ?

The heirloom of the world. What did I inherit? I know the answer. I’m not sure if I know the answer. So often do my own suppositions of the world get challenged by others. But, more than others, I do not even feel strongly about my own beliefs. Sure, I say things. But, it is so seldom that I have conviction in my own words. I do not believe in what I say because I do not believe in myself. There is still a strong part of myself that doesn’t even believe that I am real, even less that my thoughts are real. But, my inheritance. My entitlements. The world the revolves around me softly offering me the life that I had been given. Such is the blessed life. Bliss… ter. Blister. I have a blister on my thumb.

It is the happening that happens, and I am experiencing the follows. It is a series ?? ? ????? of questions. ?????? such is the ?? a ? I don’t know. Happenings ?? I reach ? out ? knowing that the end ??? ??????? hoping that the end. ? Help? ? ???? Do you ?? tell tale ?? heart ??? The world is not kind ?? the devotion. The world ?? waves ?? wolf ?? ask the ? is it ? is beautiful. When you call upon the end ???????? hopeless skies ??? of the world, and ask ?? for ??? salvation, I once heard the ?? word of sadness ?? then result is that the salvation is never ?? the world has kept on ?? going ? lightness. One day, someone is going to come to ??? the rescue, and ?? sadness is ? livid ? all I will realize ????? is that ? the world has been too kind ?? to unkind. To realize, that the ?? frantic. Help. ?? solitude ?? baseline ?? frantic screaming in the violent sky?

I think I have reached another point of disillusionment in the summer.

Networking

is the same people

talking about the same things.

I just got off from a panel of two individuals in internal consulting talking about their jobs. It was an interesting panel. I really like strategy.

As per usual, I got up to ask a couple of questions to the panelists after the panel had finished. A couple of other people had gotten up with me. It was interesting. Immediately, when I entered the room, I could already tell who was going to get up and ask questions after the event was over. When the event finished, my initial suppositions were confirmed. The panelists had mentioned that they had come from a consulting background. These interns were about to ask these panelists about their transition from consulting into retail, specifically about the skills that have transferred.

I already knew the answer; I had asked the exact same questions countless times. I don’t know why I asked that question. It was one of those questions that needed only to be asked once.

My life is jank right now.

There is the culture, and then there is the counterculture. If you are not in the culture, or if you hate the culture, then you are in the counterculture, and if you are in the counterculture, you feel

alienation.

I would imagine that is why you would want to pick a company whose culture you vibe with.

I just sat in on a meeting to discuss the upcoming launch of a prestige fragrance. A celebrity is serving as a figurehead of the marketing campaign. She appears on all of the PowerPoint presentations and Instagram posts and email newsletters. She is to represent the aesthetic that the fragrance represents.

It is interesting. People need clothes; no one actually needs a fragrance.

I have never bought a fragrance in my entire life, and I am doing okay, for the most part. Sure, there has been only one or two moments in my entire life where I felt truly content with my state of being, but those times were not dependent on me using a fragrance or not. Or, alternatively, it could be that the only reason that my life has not what I thought it would be is because I don’t use fragrances. Perhaps, fragrances are the solution to all of my problems. But that doesn’t make sense because most people don’t use fragrances. There are many people who seem to have good lives without using fragrances.

I have some broad, abstract goals of making a positive contribution to the world. I don’t know if those goals are even real anymore. Those are my professional goals. But, then, I also have some artistic goals, of what I want my art to represent.

I want to be a figurehead of a fragrance commercial. Like the celebrity which is the figurehead of the marketing campaign for an upcoming fragrance, I want to define the aesthetic that a fragrance sells. Because that is all that a fragrance is: an aesthetic. There is the smell of the fragrance, for sure, but realistically, the only time someone would be able to smell the fragrance is if you were to give someone a hug. The usage of fragrances is not dependent on the perception of others, like clothes are to a degree. Fragrances exist for the self; they are to sell aesthetics, segmented and categorized with different brands and different marketing campaigns to define those aesthetics. People use fragrances because they want to feel a certain way about themselves.

I also have a lifestyle, and I try to have an aesthetic. I have values of what I consider to be attractive, and I try my best to live up to those values. I want to make sadness beautiful. That is my aesthetic.

An indicator of good company culture: responding to my cold emails.

There are some people,

with whom you talk to,

and when it ends,

you just know,

that it will be the last time.

I learned about cosmopolitanism.

The vibes do not match up.

The wavelengths do not synchronize.

And, all I know for certain,

is that one conversation is all it takes.

Bryant park.